The trend isn’t dead, bros.
On the Road retold for Bros. My kind of literature for sure.
In anticipation of a VERY SCARY Halloween….
Saturday night will be THE night to celebrate Halloween, which unfortunately falls on a Sunday this year. Bronames has decided to make a list of this year’s top five SCARIEST costumes for your bronaming convenience:
We here at Bronames like honesty: we think the Situation is a funny guy and is probably pretty cool once you get past the persona he emanates on camera. But the amount of Mike Sorrentibros this Halloween is going to be scary. In fact, we might have to bring out a scissors to cut all those fake abs into sad, plastic pieces. Make sure to tell your overweight friends that “dressing like the Situation if he stopped going to the gym” is a lame idea.
Again, nothing against Leonardo DiCapribro. We think he is actually one of the most underrated actors of our time. Think about it: Inception, the Departed, Blood Diamond, Catch Me If You Can, Shutter Island. All great movies. But we have a feeling a few people are going to pull a fast one on us in two ways this Halloween. Some people are going to simply put on a suit, slick their hair back, and call themselves Leo in Inception. Other people might put together a costume that makes absolutely no sense and call IT Inception. Either cop out is scary, which is why it places number four on our list.
BEDBUGS!!!!!!!!! You are obviously thinking to yourself, “That doesn’t rhyme with Bro. This website SUCKS!” Well, you might have the latter thought for any number of reasons, but we don’t give up that easily here at bronames. Unfortunately, the most common form of bedbugs genus and species (Cimex Lectularius) also is not bronameable. But these hemabrophagous* buggers are too scary to NOT find a way to include them on the list. First the DA’s offices, then department stores, and now Carnegie Hall. What’s next? Maybe they’ll invade all the Halloween stores just in time to prevent people from buying Snooki masks.
Hematophagous = “bloodsucking”
We almost feel too bad for doing this. It’s too easy. If any of your friends dress up as Lindsay Brohan, just make sure to keep them away from the baking soda and flour. The prospect of dozens of Lindsay Brohan wannabes running rampant around the city likely piques the interest of most males, but something about it is scary. And the fact that we can’t put our finger on it makes this the second most scary costume idea out there.
Number 1: Drum roll please …
That’s right ladies and gentlemen. The number one scariest costume this year is none other than Snooki. Yes. Costumes of her, along with number five scariest costume winner Mike Sorrentibro and previously bronamed DJ Paulie DelVechibro, are apparently flying off the shelves. And you are thinking — where’s the broname? Think deeper my friends. Her real name is Nicole Brolizzi. And nothing is scarier than that thought of more than one Snooki. Let’s just hope that no one dresses up as the guy that punched her in the face, or there’s going to be a lot of blood this All Hallow’s Eve.
Be safe out there bronaming aficionados. It’s going to be a scary Halloween indeed.
Check out the link in the title for a possible act of rebellion by a restless Bronamer.
Finally … a Brotagonist.
Today is a bright day in the Bronaming universe. Today, we finally break the spree of posting awful people to call your Bros. Today, there is a new name that your bro should be proud of being named.
Today, we look to a candidate for office — in a circus-like election cycle — that demonstrates values, rationality, intelligence, and wit.
Today, we salute you ….
Don’t be fooled by the first face you see in this picture … He is not bronameable.
Attorney General and Future Governor Andrew Bromo.
We hope you validate our prediction.
Yet another Antabronist …
Today I am displeased to announce that our next entry is ALSO an Antabronist. Unfortunately, the crazies tend to come out for the elections.
Today’s Antabronist is quite the bad guy. He allegedly sends around filthy e-mails to his colleagues. He allegedly sends out prurient videos of the equine genre to his colleagues. He curses off reporters and threatens to “take them out” when they disagree with his likely-false statements. Oh, and he is an outspoken homophobe with the mindset of an obstinate high school bully.
In case you can’t tell by now, Bronames hereby nominates none other than Carl Paladinbro as its next Antabronist.
We salute you Carl—and hope that this is the only honor bestowed upon you in the coming weeks. We here at bronames would rather have the RentIsTooDamnHighParty candidate win (a must-watch video). As the unflattering game-show host in Billy Madison says, “I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Ladies and gentlemen, it has certainly been a long time since our last update. However, I assure you that bronames will be back in full force for at least a little while. And without further ado (it’s not “adieu,” I Googled this)…
The next entry in our Antabronist series is someone who has brought phrases to our media that we normally only hear when discussing movies: “dabbling in witchcraft,” and “mice with human brains,” to name a few. That’s right folks. The next entry in our series is none other than everyone’s favorite Tea Partier,
She is possibly the most attractive Antabronist we will ever have—-but she is also possibly the most polarizing. You either love her or you hate her. Seeing as how we at Bronames like to err on the side of rationality, we don’t love her. What do you think? Don’t call your female bro this name unless you are certain she has taken a public stance against masturbation.
I want to apologize for starting a trend that has spread to unacceptable bounds. Click the link above to see what I mean (warning, some pictures might be a little racy for your work computer). The bronaming phenomenon might have gone too far.
I swear I did not write this Craigslist ad.