Encyclopedia Brotannica*

ANTABRONIST ALERT palin media blitz: prep 101

The following video clip and nauseating text is a reblog from

thedesignconservative: (SCROLL DOWN FOR OUR TAKE)

Did you feel it too?  Exciting, isn’t it?…

After nary a peep outside of Facebook posts and the occasional speechifying, Governor Sarah Palin is finally hitting the media circuit to publicize her first book, Going Rogue.  But, let’s not kid ourselves:  this biography is perhaps the least in need of publicizing of all books in the history of non-fiction literature.

Having said that, however, the Palinistas of the world are not ones to look the proverbial gift horse in the mouth.  Thus, they will accept their self-imposed duties to watch every single television interview; listen to each moment of radio conversation, and monitor endless blog feeds for misinformation or impolitic spin.  All of this, of course, is in addition to breathlessly following the trail of tweets soon to be issued from the fingertips of the Governor herself, as she meets and greets thousands of her supporters across the country.

As you can see, this could be a challenging endeavor for even the most dedicated of Palin-fans.  Therefore, in the interest of ensuring the health and well-being of thousands of my fellow citizens, it would seem appropriate to offer guidelines on how to survive and thrive in the midst of the Palin Media Blitz starting Monday, November 16th - wherever books are sold.

PALIN MEDIA BLITZ (PMB) TIPS:

• Test set-up and wiring of all electronics essential to following the PMB.  Does your Oprah-airing station come in clearly so she and Sarah are devoid of fuzz?  How’s your AM radio reception…need a back-up antenna?  Did you pay your internet bill?

• Plan your meals.  You DO NOT want to be worried about a deflating souffle while watching PMB go through Hannity’s America!  Test new recipes in 2010.  Now is not the time.

• Stay hydrated…but not too much! You’ll need to strike a balance between alert attention and a less-than-full bladder.  Know thyself and understand how much iced tea/Gatorade/Bud you can drink before the next commercial break.

• Check the PMB schedule.  Details are still being ironed out, but there’s no excuse not to know that the Governor will be within 100 miles of your home.  A handy link is provided below for a helpful, if unofficial, schedule.  You can also check the Governor’s Facebook page for updates.

• Forgive ABC - apparently, they need the ratings.  Governor Palin will be interviewed by Barbara Walters.  Great.  But, perhaps to make up for the lack of interviews with the Governor over the last year, ABC will air the conversation in five - yes, five - parts.  If you have TiVo, you might want to use it.  As near as I can decipher, here’s the schedule:

• • Good Morning America - Nov. 17th and 18th (Tuesday/Wednesday)
  • World News with Charles Gibson - Nov. 17th (Tuesday)
  • Nightline - Nov. 17th (Tuesday)
  • 20/20 - Nov. 20th (Friday)

• Read Going Rogue so you know what she’s talking about. This may seem like a no-brainer, but with all the TV-watching and radio-listening you’ll be doing, it might be tougher than you think.  Pace yourself.  Make sure you have good lighting.  Don’t forget to eat.

• Go see Governor Palin. If she’s signing books in your town - go.  If she’s signing books near your town - go.  If she will be stopping in the town of someone you know, call that person.  Tell them you’ll bring an Aerobed - then go there.  In fact, if you see the Governor’s bus going down the highway next to you, have your passenger hold the wheel while you wave.  Vigorously.

With any luck, these few handy tips will make your PMB experience the joyous, inspirational bonanza of Palinated sound bites you have been waiting for all these months.  If you have your own suggestions, please add them in the comments.  After all, we’re in this together…

Have fun, Palinistas - this is where it all begins!

- tdc

**HELPFUL LINKS**

*Unofficial Sarah Palin Events Calendar - via Texas for Sarah Palin
*Conservatives for Palin - all Palin, all the time
*The Palin Twibe - join the most popular political twibe on all of Twitter!

Add your tips - How will you prepare yourself?

END REBLOG

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OUR RESPONSE:

The “DesignConservative” tumblr reblog above is referring to this awful piece of literature that will undoubtedly become the manifesto of blind sheep throughout the country:

(Sarah Palin is pictured in Alaska looking to her future and is clearly frightened. Behind her, a cataclysmic storm is approaching from the West. If you look closely enough, you can see “Putin rear[ing] his head and com[ing] into the airspace of the United States of America. Where [is he] go[ing]? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right next to, they are right next to our state.”)

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If you want to scare the bejesus out of your bro, go brogue on him like Sarah Palin. To start going brogue, you must:

- Make a fool out yourself and everyone associated with you.

- Say ridiculous things that make no sense.

- Not know the answer to simple questions.

- Drop the letter “g” from “ing.”

- Create condescending petnames like “Joe Six Pack” for innocent third parties.

- Use the word “maverick.” OVER and OVER again.

- Blindly defend unpopular ideas and blame it on religion.

Indeed, if you go brogue, you will briefly become the second antabronist in our famed antabronist series. Yes, Lord Broldemort, you now have some competition. To all of you who plan on going brogue: please, stay out of our lives.

(the phrase “going brogue” is a viewer submission).